Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
