Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
