i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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