shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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