I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
