Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
