All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
