summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
