1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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