I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
