Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
