so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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