if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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