You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
