just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
