You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
