I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
