i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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