DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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