My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
