I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
