I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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