Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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