I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
