dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
