There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize