As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
