Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
