So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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