dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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