Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
