On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
