Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
