The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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