Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's blow job season.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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