when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
