I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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