have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
