We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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