Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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