it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
