there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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