a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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