Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
