Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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