Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
