That's intense
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
