I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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