Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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