he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
