he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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