Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
