And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
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When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
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He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sorry about my life...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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