Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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