exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
