one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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