So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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