note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
