He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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