I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
