Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
