the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
