if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
