it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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