just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
