i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
