oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
