what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
